The Doors of Something-Or-Other (Excluding Good Music), Or: Val Kilmer Blows

Here's another band I never really got. I like dark music as much as the next person (exhibit a: my obsessive collecting of Depeche Mode in all forms), but Jim Morrison and his funeral-pyre loving ways irk me. I've pinpointed three reasons why I dislike one of the most classic bands of this century, and here's why if you care to read further.

1. Val Kilmer. I mean, that guy is just straight up creepy. Couldn't Oliver Stone find anyone better to play Jim? I was in middle school when that film came out, and my negligent parents permitted me to see it, nude chicks, drugs, exhibitionism, the works, and thusly, I've associated the film with the band for eternity. I've seen that movie since, and it sucks. Thanks for ruining great music for me, Val (Val? What kind of name is Val for a dude?), Oliver and Co.!

2. France. Yes, France. In college, I spent a semester in London. My (so-called) friend Leslie and I took off for a (what I thought would be) fun weekend cavorting in Paris. Leslie, a HUGE Doors freak (and I do mean FREAK), took me traipsing through the Montmarte Cemetary looking for Jim Morrison's grave. We spent TWO HOURS looking for a fucking grave of some dude who couldn't find anyone better than Val Kilmer to portray him on film. We never found it, Leslie cried (mostly because I pinched her in retaliation), and two hours I could have spent staring at my navel (albeit, on Parisian soil) were lost.

3. 8 Hour Long Organ Solos. Give it up, Manzarek. It's just straight up boring.

However, they do have a cool new release out, so here's more about that, if you like that sort of thing (which, if you do, I'll seek you out and pinch you in retaliation as well).

For the first time, The Doors’ albums will be available individually as single-disc releases and digital downloads featuring brand new mixes of each album plus bonus tracks. The Doors, Strange Days, Waiting For The Sun, The Soft Parade, Morrison Hotel, and L.A. Woman will be available March 27 at all retail outlets and at http://www.rhino.com/ for a suggested retail price of $11.98 each.

Each release will also be available digitally for $7.99 (with the exception of Morrison Hotel, which costs $9.99) and will include an interactive booklet. Each digital interactive booklet includes U-MYX, a music format application which allows a user to arrange and create his or her own mixes of songs.

Show your phone The Doors! Text Doors to 74466 for official Doors Ringtones and more!!* * Requires compatible handset and service through participating carriers. Standard text messaging rates apply. See your contract for details. Available content subject to change at any time. (c) 2006 rhino.